I Never Been To Hooters

Posted in Coals and Lighter Fluid on November 14, 2009 by jeepwiccan

I was driving back home from a job site the other day, it was a day that seemed to have no end to it. I always feel the drive home is the final opportunity to let it all go before unleashing anxiety upon unsuspecting innocent bystanders. A given opportunity to thank the Goddess for another days work and for all that I am blessed with. My wife e! and my two boys, a roof over our heads, and grey matter inside our cranial cavities to make tomorrow better than today.

honor rollThe job site is a stressful one, but the fellas on the project all realize this and we will be pushing through it just as steadily as possible. We are a bunch of workers from all over California looking to improve yet another school and more importantly provide for our families who we love with every fiber back home. That is what we have in common. We cant wait for this to be over so we can go home and feel the love in waves of sound from our children. My oldest has received Honor Roll in school, again. While my youngest has discovered new found friendships with the eggs that e! has hard-boiled. He names them, dances with them, then proceeds to eat them Godzilla fashion!duks egg

On my thoughtful drive back from the dessert, I noticed how the scrub brush began to give way to spotty stands of eucalyptus trees and in turn to billboards. Successfully and remorsefully removed from an extremely natural environment and placed into a far less graceful one. Straight into one that has been created and planned to cater to the needs, wants, and whims of our existence.

I began to feel a sour knot developing in my stomach, induced from all of the advertisements with an “In your face” feel to them. From a restaurant’s proclamation of a “better day ahead” to the auto shop announcing they specialize in muffler repair by going as far to say “no muff to tuff”. All the ’Buy this, Try that, We have what you need, next exit on Be Somebody Avenue’.  But I really got to hand it to the Hooters billboard for sticking in my head the deepest.

Is this a “Man’s man place”, do they really dress like that and what… serve me chicken wings? The billboard came to life for a moment, quickly born was the ultra squeaky voice of a waitress that resembled more of a Barbie doll look-alike wearing the restaurant’s uniform. She spoke (mouse squeaked) the billboard banner, “Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined”. What the hell does that mean? That made no sense to me. I had to ask my now alive image of someone who may in fact dress differently on the week ends, maybe she wears those sweat pants that read “PINK”, “HOTTIE” or “JUICY” across the back of the seat of her pants when she is at the grocery store. Who knows maybe she THINKS her backside looks just that good to be able to share that information with everyone around. ”Are those real, or do you put a lot of tissue under there, is your ego over stuffed as well with the same brand of tissue, does it add weight to your IQ?” Thats what I wanted to know.Jimmy 

HEY, marketing teams of America when will you quit trying to pump so much shit into the minds of the young and let them discover who they are without the influence of what is thought to be “cool” or “hip” when you and I both know it’s what you can sell. There really are people out there that dont care for the coppertone babewatch or the rock and roll with the Jonas Bros look. Being yourself adds to your worth, and in realizing that draws interest, otherwise your’e just the run of the mill and boring. 

Im not old, I just see through it. I know what turns me on, people being real. Not much money in that though huh?

 

 

Full Time Employment, With Benny’s…

Posted in By Candle Light on November 10, 2009 by jeepwiccan

marsWell I did it. I submitted my application and resume to NASA earlier this morning. It is for the research of introducing human life to the planet Mars, called the Human Exploration Life Platform, I was nervous sending it off and it took a long time to complete it. Page after page after page of seemingly redundant questions about my citizenship, and work history. The packet (book) even wanted to know about the elementary school I went to as a child and the nearest living relative other than spouse or child, I checked “C none” as “D all of the above” seemed to paint the question in a tricky sort of light, but “C” may in fact be an answer leaning towards my favor. So many questions, I’d wished I started this ap earlier, but you know, at least it wasnt the kind you fill on-line like the ones for Food Max or Pet Co. It was a real piece of paper, sent by a real person. It kind of felt good, in a weird way to see the postage stamp was applied to the envelope crooked, a real person did that. I mean this is NASA, I’m sure they have computers and robots that do that stuff for you, right? Hmm, odd.

I hit a big speed bump filling out the section about references, at this point I almost gave up on the whole thing  because I realistically only know a few people who would say nice things about me anyway, and therefore can only use a handful of names. So I did the next best thing, I guessed. I wrote down phone numbers and addresses of the many people I knew once upon a time to the best of my recollection. If this employer checks the validity of these, I really hope they can look beyond that I think one of the numbers was for Pizza Hut in Modesto, CA., because I’d really be fine on Mars. So long as I could come back to visit my family every so often, and the pay is anything more than what I’m making now. Im a steal, a real go-to kinda guy that hits the ground running, an asset!

Times are definitely tough, but I’d be a great candidate for the job. I have seen Mars many times in my telescope, I have always been fascinated with space, I am no stranger to long distance traveling and I love to sleep when I’m not working so I’d be ok getting there. Im mechanically inclined (I do all the maintenance work on my jeep), so once I land I can pull all the dents from the pod’s body and flush the transmission fluid. It would be good to go in no time at all. And I’m a rock hound, thats gotta help. For years I have worked on ships and I still have my FCC communications license, and I WORK HARD! Again with all the kick ass qualifications.

I really didnt understand the statement that read “You are not obligated to answer the following questions, but in doing so you would help our further understanding…” Question number one, “skin color” -Not quite “lily white”. Question number two “religion” -Other (witchcraft still bugs people). Question number three “sexual orientation” (…I’M APPLYING TO GO TO MARS!! I wonder if there are any Martians that look like Kathrine Zeta Jones, because she could fart on a biscuit and I’d still eat it!) -Straight. That was stupid, again hoping this leans things in my favor.

After signing my name under penalty of the long arm of the law, I swished a prayer back and forth between my front teeth 3X3 times (thats my OCD, placement and numbers. I hate it too, sorry) and realized the soup I had earlier needed more salt. I licked that envelope like I have never licked an envelope before, with passion, hope, and for better things to come. I can say now, I love the taste of envelope glue. I put on my shoes and ran to the corner mail box… it was off. As the envelope slid from my hand and made that real cool sound that envelopes make as they slide down the back side of the door and and hit other envelopes who also remain in wait, I had admired how the legs of the mail box were bolted to the ground and a chain was set with the side-walk concrete. My letter was protected, the notification secure. But I gave the box a good leaning on any way, just checking.  

When I got home, I was sickened to find the same amount of stamps in the booklet as before my filling of the marathon questionnaire. I forgot to put a stamp on my sponge of an envelope dripping with prayer. I then kicked myself in the groin.

A part-time gig at Chevron would be just fine as well, I wonder if they are hiring? It looks as though they make a lot of money anyway… gas-station

Intermission…

Posted in Foedus Veritas Domesticus on November 8, 2009 by jeepwiccan

Howdy Yall!BOS

I hope 99% of your day is going well, with the remaining 1% there to teach lessons and stretch your mind. There will be a run of posts seen on the public page that are password protected. Im saying this because I have been very open with you all thus far, and will continue without fatigue; these are the writings of Foedus Veritas Covenant of Visalia, they are internal whispers that are intimate and private and have been transcribed with the ultimate in trust, care and permission from each of the authors. Please navigate around them, look to the right of your screen and use the category tabs to assist you in happy time spent here. 

Oleke

Protected: Release and Depart

Posted in Foedus Veritas Domesticus on November 8, 2009 by jeepwiccan

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Protected: Saying Grace

Posted in Foedus Veritas Domesticus on November 8, 2009 by jeepwiccan

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